The Voynich Manuscript, the ultimate Nigerian scam?
Greetings, most dearly beloved [insert-name-here],
I bring you a message of great urgency and yet colossal financial benefit. My name is Seko Mugu Alberti, and thanks to ancestry.com I have discovered that I am the sole descendant of Renaissance polymath genius Leon Battista Alberti. This means I am in line to inherit the architectural and consulting fortune he deposited at the Medici Bank long ago. Yes, I do believe I was indeed just as surprised to find this out as you are now.
Through close reading of my ancestor’s published works, I have discovered that he kept a copy of his bank account details hidden in plain sight. All I now need to do is present the proper authentication to the modern successors of the Medici Bank (the Rothschilds, of course) and they will be compelled to give me my rightful inheritance of (with compound interest) 48.9 billion US dollars.
As a result I have been looking for an exceptional historian and code-breaker to assist me – for a modest 15% finder’s fee – in deciphering Alberti’s greatest work, the Voynich Manuscript. (I wasted a lot of time on the disgusting and perverted Hypnerotomachia Poliphilii, and the less said about that monstrosity the better). The nice gentleman at Cipher Mysteries sold me a list of mugus cipher researchers for a thousand US dollars “to put behind the bar in Frascati” (whatever that means), which is how I now find myself with your most excellent contact details.
The ridiculous Voynich Manuscript is, as I am sure you have already worked out, 240 pages of nonsense constructed with the sole purpose of concealing and disguising Alberti’s bank account details. Sadly, when I contacted Rothschilds with the important passphrase “qokedy qokedy dal qokedy qokedy” to identify myself, the teller refused to hand over even 100 dollars of my staggeringly large inheritance. I tell you, it is a shameful and degrading thing to be escorted from a bank building at gunpoint when you have committed no crime, no crime at all.
So you see, the fate of my inheritance is now in your hands. Research, research, research it! Find my ancestor’s hidden number or identification phrase, and you and I will be rich beyond all Renaissance dreams!
I remain your excellent friend and accomplice in research,
– Seko Mugu Alberti
March 2nd, 2012 at 8:33 am
Diane: …it was a scam. Nobody gets money for nothing, particularly in the UK!
March 2nd, 2012 at 8:14 am
Believe it or not
I once opened an account with an astronomy site within the EEC, and for convenience an associated email account. Received a message about winning 3 mill so long as I could be in England to collect it. Impossible. I phoned number given etc..
A year later, on the internet, I found that someone with the same first and last names had, indeed, been awarded 3 mill in that lottery. What bugs me is wondering whether she snagged my loot, or whether the scammers just contacted everyone in the world who had the same first and last names.
February 24th, 2012 at 8:45 am
Dennis: unfortunately, Seko Mugu Alberti cannot take your call right now. Please leave your credit card details after the tone…
February 24th, 2012 at 3:22 am
PS: That was
http://www.419eater.com/index.php
February 24th, 2012 at 3:21 am
Dear Seko Mugu Alberti,
It so happens that I’ve uncovered your secret, but we must exchange verification countersigns first. Therefore, please have your agent Nick Pelling post a picture of himself wearing a sign saying ‘Alberti and Pelling Are Idiots!’ to the verification site. After that, I shall post my countersign there, and then we can meet to discuss this matter!
Yours, Dennis
February 23rd, 2012 at 6:26 pm
Afterthought.
Perhaps you might care to consider working through a nearby bookshop registered with the Abebooks network. They’ve a good reputation, have done all the paperwork, and can usually post to anywhere in the world. One buys with reasonable postage, and directly with credit card.
Australian antiquarian dealers are part of that network too.
February 23rd, 2012 at 6:21 pm
Nick,
If you can get a hundred for second hand copies, get it, I say.
Of course this isn’t as generous as it sounds, because (like everyone else) I’m quite sure no one really understands the Vms save me.
I’d really like to get a copy of your book, though. I just have a fierce loathing of the PayPal system and all its gremlins.
Would you like me to talk to a couple of small presses in Sydney? No trouble.
February 23rd, 2012 at 6:12 pm
Diane: I sell copies of The Curse both direct via Compelling Press’s own website (which I sign) and via Amazon UK Marketplace (which I don’t sign). Unfortunately, Amazon Marketplace doesn’t appear to allow me to sell internationally (I’d have to register with Amazon Marketplace in each country or something like that). The postage to Australia costs me £6.48 via Compelling Press though I only charge £6. A better approach would be to find a print-on-demand publisher in Australia, but there wasn’t one last time I looked, perhaps this has changed since.
I’m also tempted to put “Buy It Now” copies on eBay so that it gets a bit more visibility across the world, but the charges worked out quite expensive last time I looked.
February 23rd, 2012 at 6:04 pm
Nick – for that all you have to do is produce and sell (as ‘secondhand’) though Amazon, copies of your book ‘Curse of the Voynich’. They were going for almost $AU100 each last time I looked.
February 23rd, 2012 at 3:35 pm
Dawn: let’s just say I should have made enough to buy a block of flats by the end of the week.
February 23rd, 2012 at 2:37 pm
LOL. Do you really think people that work on ciphers would fall for something this stupid?
February 22nd, 2012 at 12:26 pm
Hi Seko,
I can’t personally help you without asking for a much larger fee, but I have received an Mail from a gentleman in Africa who, with a little help to free up some money locked in a bank by a very, very naughty dictator, can fund your search, allowing you to pay me lots and lots of money for little return.
I’m willing to undertake this work on a ‘cash before return’ basis.
Let’s meet in a very crowded place with international travel available, so you can leave me a large bag with ‘SWAG’ printed on it.
As I travel off to my work place, somewhere in the sun, you can return to your hotel awaiting my phone call, safely knowing I’ll call you when I’ve completed your task.
Yours totaly anonymously,
A man called BOB…
February 22nd, 2012 at 10:49 am
Wow, this idea is crazy enough to be true ( at least its part about Alberti)
February 22nd, 2012 at 10:39 am
I translated the page 52v.
You can read it.
February 22nd, 2012 at 10:33 am
Seko Mugu is a pussy.And a dick.
February 22nd, 2012 at 9:21 am
Je n’aime pas Le(?) PayPal.
February 22nd, 2012 at 8:51 am
Diane, Ernie: I suspect the old saying “there’s one born every minute” needs to be updated to the Internet Age… “a fool and his PayPal account are soon parted”?
February 22nd, 2012 at 5:38 am
Speaking of bridges, our Sydney harbour bridge is no longer sufficient for our needs and .. I wonder if I could interest you in purchase?
February 22nd, 2012 at 12:50 am
P.S. Perhaps I could also interest you in the recently discovered blueprints that my ancestor created for what was to be his “pièce de résistance” — a fabulous triumph of engineering designed to span a body of water near a place called Brooklyn. . .