Symmetrical and repetitive prey behaviour is the key tool exploited by hunter gatherers: and so it goes with Voynich Manuscript websites. Once you’ve seen the same damaged pattern a few times, the shared wonky rationale behind it is usually fairly transparent.

And so here is a suggested critical reader for those fruity (but decidedly wobbly) jellies we all love to dip our fingers in: Voynich theories. Make of them all what you will…

(1) Any theory involving time travel or aliens
Subtext: “My theory has so many holes in, it would need two series of Doctor Who to fix them all.”

(2) Any theory involving Jesuits
Subtext: “I prefer reading 18th century fiction to 20th century non-fiction.”

(3) Any theory involving China
Subtext: “What do you mean, Jacques Guy wasn’t being serious?”

(4) Any theory involving the New World
Subtext: “I’ve got the hots for that Brazilian woman. What do you mean, she’s not female?”

(5) Any theory where the VMs is written in lightly disguised Hebrew
Subtext: “I wish I had read the Bible when I was young, instead of taking so many drugs.”

(6) Any theory where the VMs is written in a mixture of European languages
Subtext: “I put so much time into learning those languages, they have to be useful soon, right?”

(7) Any theory where the VMs contains alchemical or heretical secrets
Subtext: “Lynn Thorndike’s books are far too heavy for my weak arms to lift.”

(8) Any theory where the VMs describes telescopes, microscopes, or computers
Subtext: “I can rewrite the technological history of the world howsoever I please; and anyone who objects is just a moany old loser.”

(9) Any theory where the VMs is a hoax, channeled writing, glossolalia, etc
Subtext: “I can say anything I like about the VMs, and there’s absolutely nothing you idiot historians can do about it, ner ner ner.”

And finally…

(10) Any theory where the VMs was written by an architect
Subtext: “I see everything in the VMs as rational and ordered, however irrational and disordered everyone else may think it is. Perhaps I should lighten up.”

PS: because the torrent of VMs-related news has dwindled to a thin trickle over recent weeks, I’m taking the rest of August off – see you again in September! 😉

38 thoughts on “Top 10 Voynich Manuscript theories, decoded…

  1. In other words, the Voynich manuscript is bullshit.. 🙂

  2. Brukt Fôrhøster: yes, along with politics, science, history, love, war, Facebook…. 🙂

  3. nicoleta on November 21, 2010 at 6:15 am said:

    i think the key for this manunscript its let it on the last page,using that star drawing ,in the same dimension

  4. nicoleta on November 21, 2010 at 6:18 am said:

    and i dont think its a bullshit,it contains very important information from the age when it was writen.i wish someone will try there with the star draw,i have the feeling that will be working

  5. Santiago on July 18, 2011 at 9:17 pm said:

    The page with the bunch of plants and roots and brown pot-looking things on the side – perhaps a list of certain plants that have psychedelic properties? I’d guess one of those is definitely a recipe for ayahuasca – just guessing, I’m a big Mckenna fan.

  6. Devynity on September 12, 2011 at 12:22 pm said:

    Could it be a medival language written in cursive?

  7. Devynity: nope, almost certainly not – numerous palaeographers have ruled this out, sorry.

  8. I think It’s a witchcraft book. Potions, astrology, spells…

  9. re (2) yep. Too early for Jesuits. Franciscans or – less likely – Dominicans possible.

    (3) Perfectly possible at least in terms of early 15thC context for the Vms, and the range of reasons for which Kircher might have nagged to see it after an initial reluctance.

    It is true that Jacques Guy was kidding when he made the proposal in 1991 but in an article of 2004 (which I found through your site, actually) he says:
    ‘In 1997, a new member of our Voynich interest group, Jorge Stolfi, a professor of computer science, came up with statistical evidence that the structure of “Voynichese” was very similar to that of Mandarin Chinese. Highly sceptical, I set about finding flaws in his data or his reasoning. I could fault neither, and I wrote as much, just as emphatically as I had confessed to my Chinese hoax. There was then a lively exchange lasting some two years, with evidence mounting for the Chinese-like structure of Voynichese.’

    Maybe the Chinese idea has been superceded since then? I’m still reading up on it.
    NB: comments above are observations only.

  10. erik on May 9, 2012 at 8:28 pm said:

    Bros its clearly an ancient d&d book. How do you all not realize?

  11. Erik: damn, bro’, you’re slow, xkcd got there centuries ago. http://xkcd.com/593/ 🙂

  12. Diane O'Donovan on June 4, 2012 at 1:56 pm said:

    Oh dear – so much has happened since January, I just re-read the Guy-Stolfi thing and.. had entirely forgotten reading it during the hols. Hope none of the students read that comment I made at the time!

  13. Diane O'Donovan on June 4, 2012 at 2:03 pm said:

    PS – historical fact being the perverse creature that it is, refusing to conform to our expectations and logic, perhaps one day someone will prove beyond doubt that:

    It is a Chinese work, written in lightly disguised hebrew,with marginalia or commentary added in a mixture of European languages, reporting the development of the telescope (in China, obviously), as reported by a delusional architect-doctor (who may or may not have suffered from migraine headaches) and who believed the work had been channeled from celestial messengers: angels, aka aliens aka .. whatever.

    About Jesuits and Americans, though, I think we may rest easy. The perversity of history is rarely plain annoying.

  14. Diane: history is rarely perverse, it merely works hard to undo our faulty presumptions and reasoning. 🙂

  15. Terry Pold on July 29, 2012 at 1:06 am said:

    The words are written in a phonetic code, such as short hand, or the way a dictionary displays the sound of a word in written form. If you know the utterance of the characters in the words you could simply speak the words.

  16. @Diane
    I don’t think it is a Chinese work. If you see the pictures of women, they don’t look like Chinese women. I am not sure but the women in the pictures look like from Europe. Second, the author has first drawn the picture on page then written the text and finally did the color to picture. The text doesn’t appears to be inverted or a mirror or an inverted plus mirror script. Nevertheless, the script remains a mystery.
    Manoj

  17. Dear nick
    I have found
    RB
    m2 3F
    58
    in VM
    Can this help you in anyway
    MANOJ
    India

  18. Manoj: are these your readings of some of the extra letters apparently concealed in the plant drawings?

  19. Dear Nick,
    These letters are on the last page, where you told the key might be there.These letters clearly appears as English alphabets. Moreover, i read on your site that work of VM may be related to Roger Bacon. I thought this might be signature of Roger bacon as RB in cursive. If you have any document signed by Roger then this will be good to verify it from there. I also see the date 2095 or 20P5 on the key page. Interesting thing is that at least something is there in English, which might be helpful for all those working on the subject. I wish somebody, one day, give the world an opportunity to read this book. Also, I am very much impressed by your logical critics and theory.
    Finally, It is just a guess, that due to fear of church, Roger has written his book in code.
    Thanks
    Manoj
    India

  20. I am back Nick, mysterysolvers.eu

  21. Try Mirabillis right side page, up down

  22. Tricia on June 3, 2013 at 3:13 pm said:

    Is there a prize for theories including all ten of the above?

  23. Tricia: “yes, collecting all ten wins you a delightfully soft-walled room with comfy lighting and a snugly-fitting strapped jacket…” 🙂

    But what real nutters do is work with one (or perhaps two) features from the list, but squeeze them so hard that you can hear the stitches holding their fragile reality together rip.

  24. SirHubert on June 3, 2013 at 4:27 pm said:

    …and the C14 date for the Voynich is wrong because the vellum was contaminated by contact with an Ancient Egyptian papyrus used for the Turin Shroud, right?

  25. SirHubert: ohhh, you’re *so* competitive, it’s just not healthy. 🙂

  26. Diane on June 3, 2013 at 7:00 pm said:

    SirHubert
    I worry more about people who entertain a fantasy that the eastern Mediterranean was a mirage until Crusaders arrived to make it quasi-European and hence a ‘real’ place.

    In archaeology we call it the ’32-blink’ mentality, meaning 32Lat; 32Long as the definition of ‘real’ people and places.

  27. SirHubert on June 3, 2013 at 8:29 pm said:

    Diane: yes, absolutely, and there are all sorts of reasons why I’d be the last person to argue with that. It’s just that the date for the manuscript produced by the C-14 test seems to be one of the few (only?) scientifically fixed points in Voynich studies, and I’m surprised that some theories – especially some of the wobblier ones – disregard it quite so airily.

    Perhaps we should follow the fictional philosophers who demanded rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty.

  28. Diane on June 4, 2013 at 1:15 pm said:

    SirHubert – I see no reason to doubt that the ms was made before 1440.

    I see no evidence in the matter itself – at least in the imagery – which is not in keeping with the interests of that time in classical and ancient objects and texts.

    What is unusual is the source from which most of it would appear – from stylistic and other details in the imagery – to have been gained.

    As a result, I finally came to a much higher opinion of Baresch’s ‘hypothetical history’ than of Mnishovsky’s, though being much influenced by the Beinecke and by voynich.nu in the earlier years, I was slow to realise the opposite true.

  29. The date the VMS was constructed tells nothing about the knowledge involved (being available at certain date ) Vms contains older knowledg, presented at day made.

  30. Diane on June 16, 2013 at 5:22 pm said:

    Dear Jody,
    I couldn’t agree more that this is likely.

    I’ve been explaining the same (because of the imagery) section by section now, over several years.

    For people working on the written text (not me) codicology is important; exactly when and where a manuscript is made relates pretty directly to language, handwriting and the sort of ciphers (if any) that were likely used.

    Have you written anything yourself about the Voynich manuscript?

  31. I’m missing the following “jelly”:

    (11) Any theory where the VMs is decoded by means of EVA.

    Subtext: “The exact reproduction of the VMs into EVA format has been made possible using clairvoyance.
    So I’m on the right track. Ok, now I must continue to think about ‘aiiin’ …..”.

  32. Joachim: EVA is a useful tool, but anyone using it (or indeed any transcription) uncritically is likely to run into trouble.

    And please don’t get me started on “aiiv” groups (e.g. what EVA calls “n” was plainly intended to resemble a “v” [verso] in Voynichese) or we’ll be here all week. 🙂

  33. What about VM possibly being something related to Gregorian?

  34. Well… I don’t have the familiarity with spoken languages from that general region or of that time… I looked at it as if it was brand new… since it was to me… I identified certain basic ‘letter forms’ and even what I took to be ‘punctuation’ or at least a means of emphasis.. (like capitalization).. which is odd, since from what I’ve read later… no one else sees it that way… I definitely see some sequential system, which I originally assumed was counting, but then saw an irregular cycle or process…. and thus, my theory…
    The author begins by examination, observation and comprehensive study and recording of various plant life… in, what he must have been awestruck by, his realization of the fertilization process of plants and inner workings, structure and purpose….. he goes on to describe the world, the stars, our lives and everything in reference to seeds, stars, the blooming of day and night, how women are seed-pods and rain, rivers, lakes and whatnot are the inner workings of a massive ‘life plant’…. really, quite scientific for his time… but, like all theorists before and after… fills in the spots he doesn’t get with fabrication…… as do I…. but i’m not trying to impress anyone… that’s just what I got from it… besides, no one will read this blurb and give it a second glance…

  35. Peepleft on April 15, 2014 at 9:19 pm said:

    #1…. future universal language with future plants that some time traveler left behind

  36. Mike on June 10, 2014 at 9:05 pm said:

    Anyone enlighten me please why it is not a good dedicated hoax!?

  37. hakan on June 11, 2014 at 7:08 am said:

    Nobody wants to believe that’s hoax.

  38. Mike on June 11, 2014 at 2:43 pm said:

    Yes, Hakan i see, but i don’t get what’s so intriguing about it..

    Does it contain some knowledge or facts not know at the time or something like that?

    I cannot see what’s so special about it! Anyone with some dedication could have done it i think. Sure the “cipher” seems (!) to be neat and complex but not impossible to do for some clever scholar with access to some books (as a base for the “cipher”) and a bit of willpower.

    I think the whole attraction it holds lies in the mysterious drawings and the wishful thinking of some alien origin (or evidence of visiting some strange culture, planet, civilication unkown, etc..) it may depict, while in reality it was just a clever guy with a good imagination, who wanted to make some money or just to fool the world.

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